Saturday, November 14, 2009

Friday, October 2, 2009


Now it can be told, all the things that is hidden inside and kept for myself for the past few years have to be told to all the people close to me. With the pictures i had shown in my previous post, it is now confirmed that i am a CLOSET GAY and had sex with men for the years of my existence here on earth. I have been hiding all these things to my family and closest friends fearing of any rejections from them. I am happy with my life now and contented with what I am doing.

I just love having sex with men and enjoyed being fucked by them, sorry but that's the naked truth and i can't keep it a secret forever.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

The Man I Am Missing

I am missing someone. It’s been a long time since I’ve been with this guy. I remember years ago, he was thin, pale, quiet, unadorned and very conservative. Looking back to the old days, he had simple aspirations in life, that is, to be of help to his family by finishing college and landing a job probably as an architect or a nurse. He had no friends except me and he had brought all his focus in honing the talents that God has given him (damned!, this guy got a basket of natural gifts). He used to speak less though I knew his heart was full of stories to tell.

We had no earlier pictures together, he’s very camera shy, he thinks he’s hideous.

After college, we parted ways. I left him actually, not because I needed to but because I wanted to. He’s too boring for a mate. He didn’t know anything beyond the most complex algebraic expressions or the elements that most commonly present in the atmosphere. He lived his life with books and the imaginary characters he found therein. He didn’t play any sports. He didn’t wear jeans. He had never been to a mall until I invited him one time during our second year in college. My god! He’s a hermit living in a cave of closed identity. He had lived a simple life but I had never once heard him complain or protest why others have to be more blessed.

Yeah, he maybe so probinsiano, but he’s way better than anyone you could ever find in the metro.

That’s what I had liked about him. Yes, he’s too corny but he’s true. He never lied, he never doubted anything that people told him, he’s very smart yet humble, he’s mysterious, he’s very different. When I came to Manila to work, I did change. I have liked all the new found things that I have not seen in the province and when I was still with him, the huge malls, branded clothes, gadgets, new friends and too many others to mention. I forgot about him just as my Friendster friends keep on growing. Then for a long time, I have not seen him. I don’t know if he’s dead already. There was no news of it.

He disappeared to anonymity, never took his college dreams and then..a news blackout.

So many years passed, I had not heard about him. How I wished I could have given him some complimentary gifts when I was still with San Miguel or invited him to the many occasions that I have spearheaded in our house. How I wished I could have talked to him and just simply take a trip down memory lane. But where is he? Now I am here in Dubai and friends are too hard to find, after so many things that have transpired, after dropping him from my priority list, after denying him a chance to go with the flow, after letting him alone, after leaving him lonely, his thoughts and character suddenly graced my imagination.

He was forgotten, but his character lingered somewhere at the back of my mind.

Could I be missing him? well, I must admit I am. But why? Maybe I got tired of the lights and the modern times and I am looking for some peace and truthfulness . I know he is not that hard to find, only if I will look closer and deeper within myself. I miss him, yeah, i miss the man. I am missing the man I used to be.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

A Bigger Job

Before I went out of the office this afternoon, I bid goodbye to my American superior, he just arrived from a month long vacation. I have just been regularized; so he asked me how my job was. I said it was fine. I said that I was getting along very well with the job and been learning a lot as each day progresses. Sounds good? Hmm, but you know what? Lately I have been trying hard to hold my head together as I dealt with the overwhelming responsibilities as the company's new accountant. Not that I feel incapable of doing what’s assigned to me, it’s only that sometimes I would want to tell them that true I am just a paid employee but I also do get tired dutifully unlike a restless robot.

This is not my way of complaining what I couldn’t tell my boss straight to his face. Pardon my silent rally; I am just yet again in one of those rare moments when the circumstances drown me in little irreverence. My tolerance towards challenging and taxing accountabilities has seemed to have gradually diminished with time or is it just the fact that I have never really liked "positions" from the very beginning? Contrary to what you might think, I have a self downsized personality. Oftentimes I fear representing a group, leading a pack, managing a task or simply in charge of a concerted effort.

I have worked for San Miguel Corporation as a Senior Financial Analyst for more than six years. Had I not resigned to pursue my Dubai dreams, I would have been a manager by now. Well, actually I was told about it when I decided to leave the company. My boss revealed their plans for me as if knowing them would entice me to stay. Had they've informed me ahead of my decision, I would have declined either. I know my own strengths, but at times that I feel that I am not ready yet, I don’t take risk, even if that represent a once in a lifetime shot.

Now, I kinda feel the same, too overworked and the responsibilities coming too big to handle. Am I waiting for someone else to tell me that I can do this? Nope. But certainly it will be appreciated. They trusted me for this job and I don’t need another thing to happen so I could realize that. I just couldn't tweet "if I could only transfer to another job by tomorrow". I should be thankful that I got a job after the long wait. I have learned my lessons well. I have grown up and ready for the challenge.

Not all are given the chance that I have let slipped through my fingers simply out of convenience and silliness. I am not letting go of this one. I am not made to break. I know my own strengths.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The Doctor is Out

We live in a world where a lot of medical misconceptions are already construed as facts: eating at night makes you gain weight, you should take eight glasses of water each day, touching frogs or toads gives you warts, sugar makes kid hyper, reading in dim light ruins your eyesight, doctors live a glamorous profession. These are the things that people have just accepted as true without question simply because they are told and heard repeatedly of the same thing. Sometimes even people with medical degree falls prey into these daunting task of sorting facts from fiction. But when it comes to the glam and prestige of their own profession, they know better and they'd tell you it's not.

I now work for an insurance related company here in Dubai. It's an organization that employs almost 300 people, 70% of which are Filipinos who are health-related practitioners. Just last week, I had an induction/orientation program together with the other newbie's in the company, three of them were Filipino physicians who came to Dubai on tourist visa to look for work. At first, I couldn’t believe that they were doctors, well, not part that they were licensed, but what prompted them to leave the country and gamble here. Of all the people that I'd expect to be fellow OFW, doctors, together with lawyers and politicians, are the least I thought to join the search for greener pasture. I thought they are on top of the society, important people who saves lives. I was wrong. They are important people indeed, but just like many of us, their service back home is more of nobility than livelihood.

What brought me here to Dubai was the same reasons these doctors have left the country, better pay and better living opportunities for their loved ones. My respect, admiration and high regards for doctors have averted me from pursuing my intrigues directly from them. The fact they were here should end all of my questions and instead direct my misconceptions back home.

There must be something wrong there that even doctors are leaving the country at its deplorable state. P19,618 monthly salary for a resident physician in a government hospital, job insecurity and curtailment of basic rights, political instability, poor working conditions, threat of the malpractice law, high taxes, decreased stature of doctors and inadequate resources to perform functions, indeed, more than the economic reasons, a slew of other push factors are what sending our doctors to seek employment abroad..

It is a sad reality, that in times that we exactly need doctors to mitigate the lamenting healthcare situation in the country, more and more medical professionals are leaving and lending their gifts, skills, their brainpower, tenacity and work ethics at the service of other people. Because of the ongoing medical Diaspora, a lot of rural towns in the country are without doctors to serve the medical needs of the people, hospitals are closing down due to lack of nurses and doctors and from what I've read in a related blog, 7 out 10 people are dying without being seen by health personnel. At the rate things are going, surely it wouldn’t be a surprise if there will come a day when there are no more doctors or nurses to cure our illnesses and we will just die helplessly in unmanned big hospitals built from the dollar remittances of these doctors who have chosen to be OFWs.

For its part, the government has remained callous and unmindful of the sad twist of events. It has never been really worried of the exodus of doctors and other professional to work abroad, it even encourages it. And why not? The Philippines earned 16.4B in OFW remittances in 2008. If not for the remittances of the OFWs, the Philippine economy had collapsed long ago. Consequently, the people back home pay the same price.